he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
