like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
