Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
