I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The power of my boobs compel you
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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