i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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