We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
