its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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