Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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