I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
