the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
