You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
