yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I am one with the molecules
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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