Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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