The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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