I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
