just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
wow bdsm is so cute
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
