Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
