Is it because I queefed?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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