Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
