i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
