addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
