Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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