Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
