i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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