If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize