i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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