I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
