Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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