dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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