Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Randomize
