my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
whose parrot is this?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
