When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
