now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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