this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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