Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
