i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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