Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
