Fine. I'll sleep in my office
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize