i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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