Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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