I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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