my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
