i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
