I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
