I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I won the penis lottery.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize