Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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