Those balls look pretty dangerous.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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