we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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