that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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