The maid of honor just puked.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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