Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize