So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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