addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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