I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
