Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
