i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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