shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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