i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
