Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
