I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
