Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
