In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
