A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
