I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
