Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
