I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize