i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
