my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
