I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
