Where did you get a picture of my penis
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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