He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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