cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
