I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
