It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
