He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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