let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
