I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
