He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You pole danced in your parka.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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