He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
