Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
