the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
