Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
