You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
