1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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