Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize