Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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