I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
