I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sarcasm needs its own font
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You took a bar mat shot.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
