i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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