My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
