I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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