hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
