Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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