You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize